Who you are.

I write this today from about 30,000 feet above the greatest country in the world, the United States of America. I am heading home from a business trip that stated more than a week ago. This entire trip has been an interesting experience. I spent some time reflecting on my life. This entailed where I have been, what I have done, and what I have seen. Sometimes you have to sit down and really think about these things to truly understand why you are the person that you are.

Questions

Now as most of you know, I am 40 years old and can be pretty outspoken about things I feel strongly about. It is during this past week that I have taken some time to reflect on the person that I am today. How did I become so outspoken? How did I choose the life that I have? What happened to me to make me the man I am today? And finally, why is it that I can be the proper and professional in one minute and the complete opposite in the next?

Honestly I don’t have an answer for all of them. But I can say that the one thing that has happened in my life to make me the man I am today is the United States Air Force (USAF). In May of 1990, I took the initial oath of a recruit into the enlisted forces of the USAF. Shortly after that oath, I moved to Detroit, Michigan to take a job until I left for basic training in January 1991. During this time, Iraqi forces invaded the country of Kuwait and the United States of America launched Operation Desert Shield to keep those forces from moving any further past Kuwait. Then in the early hours on 17 January 1991, we struck at the heart of Iraq, pushing them back into their borders and out of Kuwait. Why is all that relevant? Well my answer is simple, it provides some insight into my reasonings for joining the USAF. It wasn’t because of the war stuff. I had already locked myself in before all that happened.

Answers?

Note the question mark on the title above. This is because we never truly know the answers to everything even though we think we know the questions.

During my thoughts, I always seemed to come back to the same thing. The USAF, or simply called the military, made me the person I am today. No matter which avenue got me there, there was always a similarity in the path. Were there other factors in this equation? You bet there were. There were all sorts of things to consider. Things like past love interests, past jobs, old friends, and some old acquaintances. But most of all, it was the military. It taught me things that life simply could not teach me at such a fast rate. Things like, professionalism, honor, sacrifice, integrity, and loyalty. Each of these traits can be learned in many other mediums outside of the military. Some I had learned growing up and going to a private school for many years. But the military taught me so much more.

So now I think you see what I mean by the question mark. If not, well, it would probably take more than this simple blog to explain it and frankly, I don’t have that sort of time anymore. (That is the outspoken part of me talking.)

Shiyan out!

Point of View

I am giving you (the reader) fair warning. What you are about to read may offend you. If you are offended by religious beliefs, or lack thereof, then read no further. You have been warned.

Often life throws things at you in such a manner you just can’t believe it happened. But that is the essence of each of us and how we live our lives. Things are thrown at us, we react, and sometimes come out the better person than when we started, but sometimes not. What we do get is more experienced in life as we know it. I have lived my life in a way that I always felt was the right way to live it. Were there bad choices made? Certainly there were, but I learned from them and moved on. I didn’t trust in someone else to get me out of whatever that bad decision was. I did it on my own through perseverance and hard work.

This brings me to my topic for this session. Religions and the power they hold over each person on this Earth of ours. As a boy I was raised in a Christian home to worship God and, “you will be rewarded with eternal life in Heaven with him.” I will tell you that as a small boy, or any small child, to hear stories of Heaven and God were awesome! It made you feel like anything was possible and no matter what you went through in life here on Earth, you were guaranteed eternal life and happiness after death or when God returned to take his followers home, whichever came first. Then something happened. I grew up and became educated and realized it was all stories based on other stories or made up by other men.

This is when I realized that the belief in an entity greater than mankind itself has little to no chance of actually existing. Sure, people can argue that science is speculation on the scientist part and I will agree with them but it still does not change my stance on religion.

I once heard someone say, “Religion is used to help control the masses and provide a sense of hope to those that have none.” When I first heard that statement, it never made sense. It wasn’t until years later when I got to thinking about that statement and began observing how people that follow religion interact with others. They all have the same foundation: You believe in something and trust in it to the level that everything revolves around that belief and anything that goes wrong in your life is left for your “god” to help with.

I suppose my overall point is asking the question of how can there be a “god” of any kind to help with a problem? Case in point, there was a boy that went missing yesterday in the city I live in. Thankfully he was found the next morning safe and sound and all the postings on Facebook^© said were, “Thank God!” and “Praise the Lord!” I could hardly believe my eyes when I read this. Can a person seriously thank a “god” for keeping someone safe after they disappear? Where was this “god” when they went missing? It is just absolutely ridiculous in my eyes. If an entity truly loves their creations, then why would they torture them? To see if they can get more love from them? Preposterous I tell you. Sounds to me like nothing other than something made up for others to believe in to make themselves feel better. Hmmmm, I think I may have said that before. (Or something similar)

Anyway I think you get my point so I will jump off of my soapbox now and see how many of you are now offended and ready to burn me at the stake. Just remember, if you are ready to ensue violence against me, you are no better than the “devil” you hate so much.

Shiyan out!

More of me Part 2

The rest of me.

Father:

This is sort of a new thing to me. Even though I was married once before and was responsible for two young boys this is the first time I felt a connection with the kids. Before my son was born or even conceived, I had a hand in raising two beautiful girls. When I first came into their lives, the youngest girl was 2 and the oldest girl was 7. It was really cool because they were both fun to talk to. The oldest would tell me about her day at school and the pure excitement she shared was amazing. It was always so fun to watch her tell me how her day went.

The youngest girl really didn’t talk much but she liked to play so I would try to play with her as much as I could. But having to work and make sure they had what they needed kept me from being able to play a lot with her. Especially when I started school.

Then one day I came home from school and was sitting at the dining room table doing some homework or research or something when my wife came over to me and gently placed her hand on my shoulder and told me, “Well, it would seem that your man parts work.” Honestly I didn’t know what to make of that at first. Then she followed that statement up with, “You are going to be a dad.” I was in total shock. This was something I had wanted but wasn’t sure if it would ever happen. I quickly jumped up and hugged her and tried so hard to show her how happy I was. Just wanted to scream it to everyone but she made me promise that I wouldn’t until a doctor said it was true.

One day I was out dirt bike riding with a friend of mine and we were having a great time. On the way home, my cell phone rings and it is my friends wife calling from my home phone. She was asking when we’re coming home because my wife was not doing too well. We rushed home and found my wife in the bed not feeling well at all. Sadly, that night, she miscarried and we both sat and cried together. It was one of the hardest days of my life and I can still remember every emotion that ran through me. Anger, hatred, and sadness. (I won’t go through each one because it pains me to even think about them.)

But I am happy to say that we didn’t give up and after nearly a year, we were blessed once again with the news that we were having a baby. This one went to full term and on April 13^th 2008 at 5am we became parents of a healthy baby boy. We named him Haeden Joe Robert. Haeden, because we both loved the name and wanted it to be different than Mike or John or Chris. Plus as you can tell we changed the spelling a bit to make it even more unique. Joe is one of his middle names and that was something I wanted because it was my grandfather’s name and he is the one man that I grew up around for a short time that always showed me love and whom I loved back. Robert is the name of his grandfather and the name of my wife’s dad. Of course he got my last name because he will carry on the family name.

Now I come to the last part of me, the engineer.

I never thought I would become an engineer. In fact, I never thought I would do anything that had to deal with mathematics. All through high school I hated math and anything to do with it. Even though I did fairly well with it.

While working at a job with some engineers, I started to understand what was going on in the work being done and found that I rather enjoyed it. After some discussion with a few engineers, I decided that I could do what they were doing just as well as they could. But I didn’t have the education to get into it. So I set my sights on college. For nearly 5 years, I worked day and night at 11 week intervals. Would have 11 weeks in school and 2 weeks off then the cycle would start all over again. This went on from April 2005 will graduation in December 2009. I was one quarter shy of 5 straight years of school. During that time, I was laid off 5 times and we welcomed our son into the world. Never once did I take a quarter off or lose interest in finishing the program. The day I walked across the stage and obtained my diploma is one of the happiest days of my life. The only things that trump that day is the day my son was born and the day my wife married me.

Now here I am, writing this for all to read and thinking how lucky I am to have the life I have today. To think that I came from being just a poor country boy to what I am today is simply amazing. It has been a long road and I wouldn’t change a thing.

They say that every event in life makes you into the person you are and nothing can change that. Well, I will say that I am happy with who I am and people that don’t like it don’t have to associate with me. (You just knew that was coming. Didn’t you? HAHAHA!)

When I set out to write this up, I never intended it to be so long. But I felt this is better to describe me so that anyone that is interested in reading this can get a better understanding of who I am and where my priorities in life truly lay.

Shiyan sends!

More of me Part 1

I made an earlier blog about myself and promised that I would try to explain more about the man behind the keyboard and this blog. Since I said that a few years ago, I suppose it is time that I try to fulfill that promise. (This is very long so I had to break it into two parts.)

It is always hard to tell someone about yourself as a person. Always easy to talk about others but try to really explain “you” to someone that may not even know you. That is sort of what it is like when you are doing a job interview. They always tend to ask you something about yourself, from both a positive and negative way. But in this sense I am going to try to tell you about me.

I am a Husband, a Father, and an Engineer. The first two I take very seriously and do the best I can at those. The latter I am still learning and slowly advancing in my career and knowledge base. (Truthfully I am still learning on all of them.) So now I will break each one down to try to give some insight into me and my personality. (I hope I can do that. HAHA!)

Husband:

Where to start on this? I would say that I would have to start at my wife. She is my foundation in life and means everything to me. Many times I have to thank her for being there for me and even after I say thank you I honestly don’t think she realizes how important she is to me. Before we started dating we were friends. I would say close friends because we could share anything with one another and knew that the other wouldn’t judge. She was a shoulder to cry on when I needed it and I did my best to return the favor. There were many days that I wasn’t sure I could go on with life. It seemed like everything was crashing down and the world would be much better off without me. Yes I will openly admit that I contemplated suicide. (On more than one occasion too.) But when I was around her, it gave me a meaning to be there. Not just for a short time but it was as if I had a purpose and she was that purpose. Even though we were only friends at that time.

After my divorce was finalized, we talked about taking our friendship to the next level and try dating. Both of us were recently divorced and we were both afraid of doing the whole “rebound relationship” thing. We took things slow and we both found we were comfortable when we were together. Felt safe and appreciated. So after a time we moved in together and now we are where we are.

But I suppose I need to get more to the point of being a husband. I have done everything I can do to make sure my family is provided for and that my beautiful wife has what she needs to take care of this crazy house we live in. Over the course of 5 years, I attended college to earn a Bachelor of Science in Computer Engineering. (Making me the first engineer of my family and only one of a handful that actually graduated from college.) During that timeframe, I was laid off from 5 different jobs. At one point, I was unemployed from March to the first part of August. But at no point did my family do without. I made sure we had food on the table and a roof over our heads.

So in the end, I guess you could say that I have been a damn good husband and provided for my family in the way I should.

End of Part 1

Vacation time

Going on a vacation often brings up thoughts of events that take place over the course of the vacation time or of just vegging out at home and not doing much of anything. But sometimes, going on a vacation means meeting up with old friends and not really planning much other than how to spend time with those friends to catch up on things that have happened since the last time you met or chatted.

Such is the case with me during the weekend of June 24^th 2011. For many years I have played games. The love for gaming started as a kid with an Atari 2600. Things just evolved from there to where I am today, playing online games. Playing a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (known as a MMORPG) is how I spend most of my gaming time and it has been that way since roughly 2001.

Over the course of 10 years, I have met a lot of people around the world and many of them I see as friends of mine. Some of them are not a friend that you could sit and talk to about life and things of that nature, but someone you enjoy playing a game with. Then there are the people that you really connect with. These are the people that you know on a level that is hard to put into words.

There have a few of those in my life and every single one of them I still talk to today. But when you meet one of those people, that you felt a connection with online, face-to-face for the first time, you can feel a connection stronger than you first thought. Almost like you have known each other for so long that you don’t have to sit and talk for hours to get to know them better because you already do know them. In the same sense though, you are disappointed that you didn’t take advantage of the time with that person to sit and talk about things you have wanted to talk about but only in a face-to-face atmosphere.

This leads me to my point of this blog today. As I stated above, the weekend of the 24 June 2011 was a wonderful weekend. I got to meet some people I have played games with online for years in person. Everyone was way better in person than the way I have known them in game. Having a common ground to which we could all speak kept us even closer as a group than some blood relatives get at their family reunions.

We had all sorts of different people there; some old timers of the “family” and some new faces that have only just joined us over the past year or so. Everyone seemed to hit it off nicely the affair was a great time to be had by all. Usually at this point there is a “but” thrown into the conversation, however, this time there is not. The only thing that was bad about it all was that it had to end. (At least for now.) I say at least for now because we try to have these get-togethers twice a year. The first we have in Florida in June and the other we have in Arizona in October.

This was the first one I have attended and I plan to attend as many more as possible as long as they are being held. The two days that we spent together were some of the most fun times I have had in a long time. Having two more days later in the year only enhances that time and builds anticipation for the next meeting.

Reading back at what I have written to this point, I notice that I have left out activities. I am pretty sure that you, as the reader, have noticed as well. This is purely intentional because those events were more of a gathering of friends and not meant for the general public to have intimate knowledge about. Everyone in attendance knows what went on, and each person has their own view on the events. While I could probably write a book on what transpired, I won’t do that. Instead, I will simply state that I had the best time I have had since I can remember and feel that I am much closer to everyone that was in attendance.

In closing, I will leave you with this little tidbit. When you are with close friends and family, always ensure they know how you feel about them because you never know when it will be the last time you see them.

I love you all. GH4LIFE!

Shiyan out!

Summertime

Been a while since I made a blog post so I thought I would throw one out and talk about summertime for a moment.

The summer brings many things to light. Bicycling, running, swimming, yard work, and bar-b-ques. But it also brings heat. In the winter we spend most of our time indoors to stay warm and safe and dream of summer. When it finally gets here, we do nothing but sit indoors to stay cool and dream of cooler weather. So what you end up doing is spending all of your time indoors.

I live in the great state of Colorado. Some of the most beautiful land in the world. There are so many things to see and do here that I can't even begin to name them all. But I have to say the one thing I love to do is mountain bike. Sure it kicks me in the tail pretty hard but it is so much fun at the same time. Every single time I get on the bike I feel ready to take on anything. The wind rushing around me as I ride. The heart and blood pumping through my extremities. It is a feeling like no other. If you put a mountain in front of me, I will attack it. Now I don't always win that fight but it sure is fun trying.

My advise for everyone is to find what you love to do and get out and do it. Sitting inside makes us lazy and content with our world. We were not meant to live like that.

End of a year

Well the end of 2008 is upon us and it brings to an end times that have been both good and not so good. We always tend to dwell on the good but often we find we are unable to do so and we end up dwelling on the bad more than the good. 

This year brought to me the most wonderful gift I have ever recieved. The birth of my son. He is a healthy baby boy and was born on April 13th, 2008 at 5:08 a.m. in Colorado Springs, CO. When I look at him, I see such potential in life and I see a chance that the world will be a better place when he is older. Too many times I have picked up a newspaper or turned on the evening news or even just looked at a news website and seen how someone has killed their children and shown no remorse. These people infuriate me in ways that I simply cannot put into words. Hurting my kids is the last thing I ever wish to do and if anyone were to attempt to do them harm they would have the wrath of one they do not ever wish to see brought upon them.

Other happenings this year was the completion of my first college degree. In September, I was awarded an Associates of Science in Electronics Technology. This achievement is huge to me and the only thing it will pale in comparison to is the day I receive my Bachelor of Science in Computer Engineering. As of the end of 2008, I have 15 months to go and the latter will be achieved.

My final thought on this year is the United States Presidential Election. While many view this as a moment in history that is so monumental that anything else that has happened is miniscule in comparison, I see this moment in history as something that could possibly ruin us as a nation. Mind you, I certainly hope that he proves me wrong but I have a very strong feeling that he won't and we are in for a wakening that makes WWII seem like childs play. Only time will tell.